18 year-old girl with low self esteem

by Siti
(Malaysia)

I have had a problem with my self esteem since I was in primary school. My low self esteem is caused by my physical appearance. I'm fat and everyone tells me that. So I'm just wondering why people around me keep telling me something that I already know. They seem to make my self esteem goes lower.


Besides this, I think that I have no special talents. I'm not good at singing, drawing. I'm not good at anything. Not to mention, I'm not an outstanding student in my school. I don't even take part in sports. Other than that, I'm so shy. I reckon it's because of my low self esteem.

I don't really hang out with my friends. I spend most of my time at home. I want to mix with everyone but this low self esteem prevents me from doing that. Sometimes, I feel like everyone around me is amazing and I'm the only one who's not, so I'd rather be alone. I will enter college pretty soon. I'm afraid this problem will affect my future. I really hope that you can help me. Thank you.

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Low self esteem
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. I understand totally how you feel, I have suffered with low self esteem most of my life. I think its something we have to learn to cope with, to accept that sometimes it is worse than others depending on the situation we are in. Having said this, the important thing is not to give into it, but to tell yourself every time that you can do whatever it is you are hoping to, and to work past the fears and doubts that you may have to enable you to be successful.

People say cruel things without seeming to realise the hurt the words give. I believe words hurt more than a smack because they go into the mind and keep being thought about and so grow out of proportion and make the low self esteem worse.

Have you thought about eating healthy food to help control your weight. I'm not saying go on a diet. When you eat healthy foods the weight drops. Eat lots of vegetables (cut down on potatoes they put weight on). Eat lots a fruit, and cut out fast food (I know it's yummy but it piles the weight on!)Stop eating cake and biscuits, because these too add to your weight.

It's important to your happiness, and to enable you to grow in confidence, that you mix with your friends, even though you may feel unwanted or that they don't care whether you are with them or not. Always make the effort to do things. With low self esteem, as difficult as it makes your life, you have to make the effort or things will grow harder to do.

The main thing you should do is to change your thinking. Stop the negative thoughts about yourself and start with the positive. Change your eating plan and start saying to yourself "I have lost weight" - keep saying it because when you eat sensibly it is going to happen! "I am capable and I love myself" (VERY important to love yourself!) Say anything else positive that you can think of, but definitely say "I can do this" or "I am worthwhile" every time those low self esteem feelings come in.

When you change your self talk to positive words it will help. Your low self esteem may be there in the background, don't dwell on it, because it will grow, replace the thoughts to wonderful self talk and you will cope easier.

Good luck, stay as positive as you can.

Love
Kay
x

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