Avoidance

by Norah
(ACT, Australia)

Recently I have been through some tough relationships. I had a bad break up with my first ever real boyfriend, who criticised me greatly at the break up and said it was all my fault.


At the same time I had a fight with a best friend of 4 years who back stabbed me and abandoned me for another group of girls. They came to my house twice to egg it and I received abusive text messages for a number of months.

As a result it has had a great affect on my self confidence and self esteem and I am now in avoidance with people, friends and family. I don't want to date anymore and I feel paranoid that my remaining friends probably hate me. I feel strangers are judging me and I cannot relax in public places.

I am very sensitive and feel depressed and hopeless. Help and advice would be greatly appreciated :)

Comments for Avoidance

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Avoidance
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal growth. We cause our own problems when we accept what others say about us as true, even though in our hearts we know it isn't. Then we keep thinking back on what was said, and this makes the belief stronger and we take it to heart and feel awful.

Don't dwell on past events that cause you unhappiness. Put them behind you, dismiss them from your mind whenever they come up, and say something positive instead. Words such as everyone loves me, or, I am a confident capable person.

Everything that is going wrong in your life is as the result of your thoughts and what you believe about yourself. You are not doing what you want to because of what you think might happen. Unless you at least try to do something you will never know whether it is possible.

You believe everyone is judging you and fear nobody likes you and yet these are thoughts that you are having, not the thoughts of the people you are avoiding. Can you see this? When you fear things you bring more fear into your life and it grows bigger and bigger, out of control, because your thoughts become all about fear and 'what if.'

Your thoughts make your reality, and these are negative about your life. When you come to realise this truth, you should be able to see that if you were to change the thoughts you have you can alter your life to how you want it.

Self talk is very important and this can be changed purely by the way you think. Begin today (now this minute would be good :) ) by telling yourself what a worthwhile person you are. Spend lots and lots of time talking all things positive about yourself.

When you awake in the morning, say "Thank you for today. Today will be wonderful". Walk down the street smile at people you see and tell yourself "Everyone loves me". You will be surprised at how good this makes you feel inside! Keep a positive attitude. You should find that when you say positive things to yourself, you will feel positive and stronger inside.

Contact your friends, don't let them out of your life because of your unfounded fears. Give your friends and family a chance, don't dismiss them because of what you fear they may think. How do you know what they think?

Remember you hold the power to change your life, it's in the things that you say to yourself. When you believe you are a strong confident person, who is popular, and tell yourself this at every opportunity, this is how you will become.

Good luck

Love
Kay


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