Family Bullies

Bullies come in all walks of life, work, school, organisations, family life.

I have just heard of a mother-in-law who is demanding, has little consideration for her family and expects them to drop everything when she wants something.

She descends on her son and his wife despite the fact that they are busy people, they have two young children and are expecting a third child. The daughter in law is still working two or three days a week. She has also brought her partner along even though there is little room for visitors. She has also tried to get them to buy her an electric appliance although their budget is tight.

She is a selfish woman who has never learned to have any consideration for anyone else and unfortunately people have gone along with her because she is elderly so they say. Why did not someone years ago stand up to her, when she was a lot younger?

A familiar situation you say, but there are also other family members as well who are despots. They get away with more as they are family. If they were not, no one would tolerate them as long as they have done.

The time does come when everything finally blows up, there is a terrible row and relatives stamp out vowing that they will never darken the doors of that particular dwelling again. The bully may have felt that they have scored a point but have they really won?

I was rather disgusted when I heard of another case, out of a family of six, two daughters were cut out of a family funeral notice.

This mother was also domineering and felt that she should control her family. In some way I think the daughters concerned did something to displease her. I only hope that some other relative had notified them of the father’s death.

I also had a controlling grandmother who dominated her children including my mother. My mother was her favourite but unfortunately influenced her so that my mother never really had any mind of her own. For years she was caught between her mother and her husband, who had been through the first World War and suffered trauma for the rest of his life.

Indirectly I also suffered as a result and my life was affected to an extend that when my mother died, I was completely lost and did not recover from her death for years.

Amongst siblings there is favouritism, rivalry, jealousy and competitiveness which has been sparked in early childhood, brought about by parents who may not have always treated their children with fairness. Someone has felt unloved and left out and this can go on into adulthood with drastic effects.

Funerals and other occasions often spark conflict with ends with people never speaking to each other for years. The unloved person may revert to bullying to get some notice taken of them. If ousted they will either force some other member of the family out or leave themselves.