fear of avoidance & negligence..

by mahesh
(kolkata)

I am a 22 year old engineering student living in a hostel. I have a very peculiar problem. Most of my friends consider me as irksome and regard me as a source of boredom. As such I have only a few friends(1 or 2). and no student of my batch wants to become my roommate.


As a result I feel very lonely and have the fear that everyone will neglect me. so please advise me how to become friendly with others in order to avoid loneliness.

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fear
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. You say that most people think you are boring and consider you irksome. I wonder why you have these thoughts? Have they told you this, or is this what you assume because you feel you are boring and irksome?

I suspect that it is your thoughts that are causing your problems. If you feel this way then you are automatically putting a wall around yourself and not acting in a friendly manner, because you you believe you are boring and irksome.

To have people like you, you first have to like yourself. You need to change those thoughts to 'I am likable' 'I am a friendly person' and then speak to people in a positive way, and assume (and this is important!) they like you. If you don't like yourself you can't expect others to like you very much because you wont make a confident impression.

To avoid loneliness you have to talk to others without assuming you know what they are thinking about you. You will make a good first impression when you ask the people about themselves and their interests and, more importantly, listen to what they are telling you, this in turn will give you more to speak about.

You can only receive friendship by first offering it.

Good luck, change your thoughts and change your life.

Love,
Kay

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