feeling trapped in every aspect

by karen
(okc,ok)

I am 32 & was married for 13 yrs. An infatuation started with my husbands friend & that ended my marriage. I deeply regret it. My 15 yr. old daughter lives with my ex. I never get to see her. She won't talk to me. Now I am stuck with this jerk who doesn't care about me & treats me differently than everyone else. He chases at me for no reason, he left on thanksgiving day, while I was sleeping with his son & his girlfriend to go out of town to his moms for a week. I woke up crying and felt so deceived and unloved. He stays gone all night when we have an argument. I have no money, no degree and no family to stay with.

To make things worse he rented a house for him, his son and his pregnant girlfriend. He was going to leave me high and dry. I don't feel at home here. His son is grown but he won't make him move on their own. He doesn't want to marry me and made it clear.

I'm miserable and want to be independent but don't know how to go about it. Also I have horrible panic attacks that affects my work when I am working. I feel like he has me trapped. He is selfish, and shows who all he really loves and treats me like sh*t. I stay in the bed a lot because things seem so hopeless for me. I screwed up and don't know how to fix it.