I don't know

by Rachel
(Fort smith, Arkansas, us)

I am 21, divorced single mom, and a full time student. I'm not sure what my problem is but I really need answers. I'm known to be bright but I can't seem to find the motivation or energy. I am 185 lbs and in my mind I want to be 145. Though my professors think I'm so amazing they don't see that I am so much more.

I just don't have the motivation to do beyond my capabilities. I always feel exhausted when I get home from work and school and sometime I struggle playing with my daughter because I feel tired. I am a chemistry major minoring in math and biology... Pre-med student. I work in a lab and I have a nice home but I am sad that I can't afford to do much and I can't find the energy to find a second job or a job that will pay me better as a lab tech.

I sometimes zone out when I'm with my daughter because I get so stressed. I have no self-esteem when it comes to boys. I have my share of boyfriends and sex partners and no I don't have an STD but I still feel like a nasty person for my past in high school and my choices in men after my divorce.

I just want to find someone who will love me for me and I to will love them. I hate being alone and this has been a tough past 6 months with me learning to be alone. I pick really bad guys... I want to find a guy that is smart, attractive, family oriented, and caring. Please help me find a way to motivation and energy... Maybe even happiness and maybe once I learn to love my life prince charming will come and I to can show him into the light. I Want to fall back on love with Jesus also that way he to can show me to live purely and selflessly.