I get upset when my boyfriend goes out without me

by Agnieszka
(UK)

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. We are very happy and I see him as my future husband. Since he started working he goes out every weekend. It got to the point where he was going out every Friday and Saturday, and then I was ready to leave, but he changed for me and now he only goes out once a week.

Before he was going out without me, now we go out together once a week, same place but we spend some time with each other and some time with friends. However, tomorrow he is going out without me, because all the people he knows are coming out without their partners. They are work people. And this is where I get upset again. I hate being on my own at night and waiting for him. He is always back about 12 so I am not worried about this. But for some reason I always get upset when he is out without me. I don't know whether it is because my mother left me and my brother when I was 4 years old or because my father and my step mum were drinking a lot and my father was beating her up, and now I have moved away from them.

I don't know what it is and I really tried to sort it out myself, but I can't and I am afraid that I will ruin my relationship because of it. I haven't got any friends here, I do, but not the ones I could spend some time with when he is out to take my mind off it, because the things they do is not me.

I just don't know what to do with me anymore.

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upset when boyfriend goes out without me.
by: Anonymous

I think that you just have to go along with it for a while and see how it works out. No matter how close a relationship you both need outside interests that the other one does not share. Keep on touch with girl friends and go out with them occasionally and join activities that you will enjoy. If you are working, there are actitivities connected with your work that do not interest your partner.
I have come accross a couple of couples where the one person decides what they are going to do and he has discouraged his wife to follow her own interests. I said to her many times that she had to make a stand otherwise she would have no life whatsoever but she has just gone along with him. It is these people who when they lose their partners, often are at a loose end as the mutual friends they had melt away.

Upset when boyfriend goes out without me
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. It seems that you partner has tried to be reasonable with you and not go out quite so much.

I think you should try and gain new friends so that you too can have a social life. You should be going out and enjoying yourself when he is out and not sitting at home waiting for him to come home.

A relationship is more enjoyable when you can both have things you enjoy doing together and other interests that you can enjoy when apart from each other. Maybe join a gym or club or take a night class to learn how to do something that you can enjoy when you aren't out with him.

Love
Kay

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