I hate my life

by Rose

I'm only 14, but I hate my life. I live in Maryland and I go to an all girls private school. This past year was my first year there, it really wasn't that great. I did make friends quickly, but I had a lot of hardships.


Before I came to this school, I was relatively smart and well-rounded. Well, the first month at my new school, I got suspended for drinking. I'm not a bad kid at all, I just became friends with the wrong people and at this one party we were drinking and someone there told another person and so on. Anyway the school found out, told my parents and my parents raised hell. I never really had gotten in trouble before that but they were mad, and shocked. I got a 3 day in school suspension along with 2 other girls. It was bad, but I got through it. during all this, my grades were dropping along with my self esteem.

My parents hate me, completely. my mom tells me she can't wait until I move out. My dad tells me I'm screwed up and that I need to pray more.. little does he know I don't even believe in God. They both just find things wrong with me and attack me. Just the other day I had to go to the seniors graduation at my school, we all had to wear white dresses. My mom (being the last minute person she is) got me a dress 10 minutes before I had to be at the school. I hated the dress, it was hideous. I was mad and upset that she had gotten it so last minute. I know I sound like a brat but I was already having a bad day. I acted on impulse and cut a ruffle off of the bottom of the dress. It looked 10x better. I guess it wasn't the right thing to do, but I wasn't thinking about right and wrong. Anyway apparently it was a huge deal to my parents. They both came to my room, yelled and screamed at me about how I'm unworthy, an a**hole, jealous, unappreciative, brat and thief. they started making fun of some of my friends who are over weight, again little do they know that all these friends hate me now for no reason, but that's a different story. Anyway they went on and I tried my hardest not to cry, because I didn't want to show any weakness, but I broke down and both of them started to laugh at me. They laughed until I couldn't breathe from crying so hard, then left - along with the dress.

I just hate my life so much, it may not seem that bad, but I don't know what to do with myself anymore, there are so many other instances with my parents - like when my mom took my phone out of my hand and read my texts with my boyfriend aloud, then forced me to break up with him over the phone while she was listening - and also when my dad told me I wasn't allowed to be friends with one of my best friends for no reason. Then called her dad and told him that we were no longer allowed to speak. She told everyone and now I have absolutely no one. I'm not happy and the only things that make me happy are guys and alcohol. I'm afraid I'm going to turn into my mom, who is an alcoholic and addicted to crack. There are so many more things going on.

My health is bad and my grades are awful. My parents threaten to pull me out of this school and send me away. sometimes I wish they would because I cant stand them anymore. They love my three younger siblings so much, it's not fair. I have no one - actually no one to talk to. I have no self control and questionable morals. I hate my life so much. I would way rather just be dead. It's not fair I'm tired of it, all of it. of being yelled at for being myself, for losing my friends, for feeling ugly and dumb, I'm tired of being made fun of for my turrets. I'm tired of being called slut whore skank etc. I'm tired of my parent's loving my siblings more then me, and I'm most of all tired of hurting, of the pain I feel when I see my "friends" go to parties together and knowing I wasn't invited, of coming home to something that I didn't know I did wrong and being scolded for it. I'M TIRED OF MY LIFE. I want to end it all so bad. I'm just beyond done. no one understands

Comments for I hate my life

Click here to add your own comments

ughhh
by: rose

There's no adult I can talk to, if I ever try to tell my mom anything she tells my dad and he blows everything out of proportion. I can't trust my mom with anything at all. My parents started reading my texts also, I feel so betrayed and I have no privacy.
I hate my life
by: Anonymous

At this time you are changing from a child into an adult and it can be painful as there is so much going on. You are not old enough to be out on your own and leading your own life but into another few years that is what you will be doing. Have you not got a counsellor at your school whom you could talk to or some trusted adult figure in your life who would listen to how you feel and who could help you sort out your life.
Sometimes it is a case of wanting to push your boundaries to have more freedom but you are not mature enough to handle that yet. Later on as you grow older you parents will allow you more freedom and sometimes we have to learn the hard way who are our real friends and who you can trust and play with. You also have to learn to use your intuition when you are dealing with other people. If you get a gut feeling that person is not all that they should be or a situation does not feel right, you walk away. As we get older we deal with a lot of issues that we have not encountered before and they are a learning curve. You are still in the stage of learning what is what which will serve you well when you are older
At the moment you do not like yourself very much but as time goes on, you will become the person you want to be.
Life
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Early teenage years are often traumatic and many feel they aren't understood or sometimes loved. Is there an adult you can talk to, sometimes opening up and confiding your problems to someone can be helpful.

This is a time of your life when you have to be strong, not let things get you down. It's important that you believe in yourself and know that you are a worthwhile person. You have to love yourself.

Your self talk is very important in making you how you are. Speak in your mind words such as "I am confident" "I am strong" "I can do this" "I believe in myself" When you tell yourself positive things they will make you feel good. Stop dwelling on the horrible things you say have happened. Each time you look back on them you cause the pain all over again. Become as determined as you can to become a strong person. Concentrate on your school work and be confident that you have done your best to succeed.

Good luck.

Love
Kay
x

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.