i hate my life

by sherin
(egypt)

My problem is that I can't live my life as I want. I am a great person I have done many great things to many people in my life but when it comes to the most important people in your life it makes you hate your life more and just want to scream out loud and wish you can make it go away. I have been suffering and felt pressured from everyone I love in my life. At first I was hurt by my best friends who were like my sisters and we have been friends for 7 years. After 7 years they stabbed me in the back and hurt me many times but I never gave up, I was saying that they were still my friends. I made many things for them I changed their lives to better things. I did for them what no one could have done. I have been there in good and bad times for them. When one of them had an issue in her life I leave everything and start looking for a solution for her. Like my final exam I didn't go to it because one of them was just crying and feeling depressed. I have done many great things for my friends they were all I could think about, I loved them as they where a part of my life and my family. I cooked for them many times. I was there 24 hours when they needed me and after 7 years they hurt me and I couldn't take it anymore and I left them. They tried to come back but I never came back because they hurt me too much. They hurt me deep inside, I couldn't take it anymore. I said to my self I could find better friends after them and I knew that god will always be there for me and actually I had a great group of friends but I said my life could be better, hell no I think there will be more problems in my life and after that my sister came and my brother they made me hate them so much of what they do my sister was jealous from me was doing crazy things between me and my friends and she started to be bad and doing crazy things and she was acting crazy I mean I was like not saying a word I put up with all this in my life and the shocking thing that I was still smiling and loving my life. I said what the hell let the people do what ever they want I am going to smile and live my life, when it came to my brother he was controlling my life as if was his wife. I was fighting and tolerated all this and my life was just getting more boring and more depressing.

After my falling in my exams I didn't study I had enough of everything. I hate it my life that I can't succeed in it, I can't change into a great person although I want to. All I do in my life is help people change into a better person, advising them and encouraging them to do wonderful things in life, but actually I never did what I do for people to myself. I never encourage myself, although I tried but I couldn't cause every time I wanted to change something bad happened to me, or worse it was just too much for a human to put up with.

I can't talk to my family because they don't understand they don't want to listen they just want everything to be done in a minute. Well life isn't a minute it's called life because it goes on. I don't know what else to say but I just wanted to share my feelings and I know there are many people who have more problems than mine but in the end its all the same its just pain and hurt, it's feelings that you live with