i have no future

by Ulia
(ottawa, On, Canada)

My life is dreadful at best. I was born in a very poor country called Uzbekistan. My life was somewhat like a life of kids from Africa. I was always hungry, underweight and sick. There was no birthday or Christmas presents. The town I was living in called G.E.S. #4. Yes, that’s a weird name. It was called that because this town was built around a chemical factory. All the crap and by-products were dumped in the local river. First generation of people living there was fine, second generation was born weak and sick. Theered generation like me have a genetic mutations. I was always tolled that one of my kidneys will stop working in a few years. It will not kill me but it will shorten my life span by 5 or 6 years.

My second genetic problem is my right leg, which is shorter then left one as well as twisted to the side. Over all I’m quiet ugly, but that doesn’t bother me much because I have problems bigger than that. I have autism/Aspergers, ADD, paranoia, big package of phobias, aggression. I keep failing classes and teachers hate me. Also I’m narcissistic and the most unpleasant person you can imagine. Narcissism is my saviour it doesn’t allow me to see things for what they really are. I guess by now it’s obvious that I don’t have any friends or future for that matter. I’m too stupid for any smart job. I’m too ugly for a dumb job (like a model). I don’t know what to do. I can’t have children but even if I could I would never love them. For people with mental problems (for me at least) feeling like love is unachievable. What should I do with my life?