i love him a lot

by hira
(calgary alberta canada)

I am 35 years old. 13 years ago I was getting married,on that time my husband already applied for immigration. After when we got visa my in laws forced me to stay in my home country and he went alone. I was so depressed because I didn't want to stay there without him. In the end I went to Canada with him but he sent me to his brother's house in the States. At that time I was pregnant, during my first pregnancy always i was in stress and crying a lot.

When my son was born he was a special child he was behind his age and he has seizures epillepsy, now he is 10 years old.

I don't know why I am always so depressed and thinking about my husband a lot. When ever we are arguing he was talks about separation. Now my main problem is, I am always thinking about the fear of separation.

I know he love me a lot but I never forget our fights, and now I check his cell phone, when he is at work I call him a lot. I feel little better when he is home with me, other wise worry about what he is doing, when will he come back home. I am so stressed,a lot of time I am trying to change my thinking but they are too strong. I think I am failure, I never change my self specially as I was chasing him like a child.

Before our fighting I was sharing my fears with him and other thoughts too but now I am not sharing with him. I afraid he will think I don't trust him.

Some time I am thinking I am not in love with him any more. He loves me and kids too, but my fear ------- some times I am crying a lot actually I don't like to share my love with anybody else.

Can you please guide me how can I change my self, thanks a lot