I'm not who I once was

by carly
(canada)

I was molested about two years ago, I think that I always had a little bit of depression as a young girl but in high school it really hit off after that happened. It made me feel really alone... Used and misunderstood. I stopped having purpose and felt like nothing would ever get better. I always told myself it wasn't my fault, when I'd sit up at night and cry... Like there was two of me sort of, one to let it all out and one to comfort and shut me up. I told my close friends but neither of them understood and I could tell that they never really cared which took a huge part in why I never told my family...

I always wanted to see a psychiatrist about it but never knew how to contact one for free seeing as I'd have no money to pay for it. It started affecting the way I saw things like my appearance, I've always been told that I'm a good looking girl but ever since that happened I feel like people just pity me and tell me because they're my family or my friends... Or if its a guy that's interested in me I feel like it's because he wants to use me. I'm sick of feeling out of place in my own skin, like I'm not who I see in the mirror anymore.

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Never to be again
by: Anonymous

Dearest "I'm not who I once was",
You have truly suffered from a violation that should NEVER happen to anyone. With you, I can unfortunately empathize as I once too was molested. The years have passed by, but it was not until I had an understanding that I would never be the same again - nor should I be. I am not sure of your age (?) and no matter what your age is, you must realize that what has happened is NOT your fault! Even though you go over and over again in your head that it must've been something you did - IT WAS NOT!!
The reason my comment title reads "never to be again" is that no matter what happens, positive or negative, each one of us will not be who we once were. Now depending on your age, this may be difficult to understand; but what I am trying to share with you is that, whether we have experienced something positive or negative in our lives, it is in our best interest to turn the experience into a positive as much as you can. What did I gain positively from this awful experience? I gained the understanding that I am a strong woman who knows now how to protect me - the person I need to keep in #1 place. I gained stronger confidence in knowing I have survived when I see others who have not. I have gained the ability to share and assist others who need help. Although my list can go on, I mainly wanted to share with you - you are not alone! What has happened is NOT YOUR FAULT and although you are devastated (as this is completely normal) you can still put your chin up and strive for personal strength because you have SURVIVED! You are still the named person you are - you are different today than yesterday, than one month ago, than...following this devastating incident. Work on finding WHO YOU ARE but don't allow devastation to define you. Good luck and if you do need to talk with someone - there are MULTIPLE free resources within each county of the state where you live and obviously online as well.

I'm not who I once was.
by: Anonymous

You have suffered a devastating violation and it leaves its scars. If you search around there will be a support group somewhere who can give you help and understanding. Your friends are not in a position to understand what you have gone through and they just do not know what to do to help you. They can listen but they will not know what to say. Have you tried Rape Crisis? Out there will be an older person who has been through this and will help.
What about your church if you belong to one, there may be a counsellor there who will listen to you. Keep on looking and someone will know the answers to your situation.

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