Lonely

by Jane

For months I've kept myself inside the walls of our house. I had 4 months of summer break before college starts. Sure, I went out from time to time but it was only to buy something I needed, or pay the bills, or exercise (swimming), but other than that, I literally have been living day in and day out without talking to anyone (except when people in the house tell me to eat, or ask me something). I have no friends that I can hang out with. (I have friends from school but theirs is not the company I'm looking for. Actually, my problem with friendships go years back and it's quite a long story so that by the time I graduate high school, I have no close or genuine or true friends to speak of.) So here I am, spending my 4 months of break inside our house reading books. For the first few weeks, I had no trouble being alone, in fact, I liked being alone. But the more I spend my time alone without any outside contact, I grow lonely.

This coming August, I'll be going away from home to go to college. When in college, I'll be back to square one. I'd have to meet people, befriend them and look for potential friends. But I've never been fond of meeting new people. I'm scared. I'll be going to this college with some of my high school classmates and some may say that it's good news because then I wouldn't be so homesick because I have them to keep me company, but again, my HS classmates are strangers to me. Also, these classmates of mine have their own 'groups' so yeah, I'm left to myself again.