lost my self-esteem

I'm 22 and feel resentful towards my boyfriend of 15 months. We went through a period of lots of arguments and disagreements and during this time he said things such as "you don't complete me", "I'm just with you until the next best person comes around" and "you are not the strong confident woman I want you to be".

He tends to judge me a lot and even though he doesn't say it, I think he hates the fact that I am a quiet (introvert) and sometimes shy person.

Before I met him I was making progress with working on my confidence and self-esteem, and then after the arguments and said statements my self-esteem is now almost non-existant. He has apologised for hurting me with what he said but now he has a problem with the fact that I just can't get over it and get back to being confident.

I want to feel confident again because I don't want my low-self esteem to make me look unattractive in his eyes but I have no idea where to start. I just keep hearing his cold words.

Comments for lost my self-esteem

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I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I'm not sure if I'm qualified to comment or butt in but I can relate on a basic level.

I'm very quiet, so I've been told but I also get these stares by random people often. These stares that used to make me afraid that I was doing something wrong or stupid and until recently I thought that *was* true just because these strangers stared. And I'm the kind of person who doesn't listen to people's words without logical proof, especially insults after I've been bullied.

So when I notice a cute guy staring, one did a few weeks ago at an event, I think I should shrink in fear when he's staring heavily & 'disapprovingly'. But now I'm slowly realizing he doesn't know me, he may be wrong and I just turn away, ignore him. And find the truth myself. I'm angry at people like him (I'm not sure if it's right but it's been so hard & I'm tired) and now I'll only go for a guy who will NEVER do that. It may not feel like it but you deserve a guy who treats you right.

Self esteem
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. When we love someone totally we love them no matter what they are like, and if we see they have a problem, we shouldn't judge them or use hurtful words, but encourage them in their attempt to better themselves, assuming they want to be helped.

Hurtful words sear the soul, they go deep within and lay bubbling away waiting to come up to the surface to hurt all over again when they are thought about. This is the amazing thing with them, they are only thoughts, and we, if we are determined enough, can conquer them by refusing to let them hurt us again. This is done (and it's not easy, I know) by not reacting to them. It is this reaction that is causing the pain you feel each time you think of them.

Can you, when you feel them coming into your mind, replace them with positive words that help you, maybe, "I am strong and confident" "I am very worthwhile" I love myself, I am beautiful."

Continue to work on your self esteem, but do it for you, not for anyone else. Know your own importance and if this isn't accepted by your boyfriend, then, as you rightly say, it is his problem not yours. He has to accept you as you are, or move on, unless of course this is not what you want. You deserve someone who loves you for how you are.

Stay determined to work on yourself for your sake though. When you change your thoughts from negative to positive as often as you can you will definitely improve your self esteem. It may not be easy for you, but you sound to me as though you are a strong young woman, and so I am sure that as time progresses you will improve and become the way you long to be.

Remember, it's your own thoughts that shape how you are and what you do. Your attitude is vital, make it a positive one and you will change your life.

Love
Kay

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