Lost

by JC
(CA)

I'm a single mom to a teenage girl. Lost both my parents early in life mom at 10, dad at 18 and became lost in my teens as a result of a lack of guidance and peer pressure I didn't open up about not knowing how to cope. I bottled everything up inside. Fear and emotions ran my life and I became a mom within 2 years of losing my dad. The father and I are not together and he is much older, old enough to be my father. I would have had an abortion because he asked me to and I used to do whatever he said, but I didn't believe in them. I was 19 then.

I love my child so much though she is the product of a horrible experience with her biological father. Yet because of the trauma of what I lived through with him and not having other parental mentors around to show me the ropes, I often find myself isolated through the process and am unequipped on how to be the kind of parent that I would have liked to be. I am always striving to be a good mother and fall short of my ideals which is why my self confidence is so low. It's like I see what should be done and not sure how to achieve it constantly creating a debt for myself to pay. I worry constantly even though I go to church and pray and learn God's word to trust in Him and not worry. This is challenging. I wish for my life to be a little bit easier and am so lost. I am doing my best, I found this site with lots of good advice on it, so I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Some days like today, Mother's Day, I take it hard that the male figure is missing from the household.

Trying to reframe perspective to be grateful for the many blessings I already am given is a big challenge for me that will get easier with practice I'm sure. I pray that day comes sooner than later! At times it feels like this attempt to be positive is just a front for others to see and to psyche myself out, a fake it til I make it if you will. It tears my heart in pieces when I try to tell myself things I have difficulty believing. I feel like I've had a rough life and am actually minimizing that experience by being positive, however, I believe there are others who've also had a hard life, if not harder, yet I'm not trying to compare myself to them. I can only speak for what it go through and have known.

Comments for Lost

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Dont be so hard on yourself
by: Anonymous

I have read your letter, and am thinking you poor little thing, you are trying to be so brave,grown up, good and PERFECT.
Dont be so hard on yourself.
I, like you lost my parents when I was younger, and its pretty hard,no matter how old you are. You were looking for guidance,and this older man stepped in,for the wrong reasons,his. Now you have a child, no matter how you came about it, you love them. So, this is you now. This is your story, make it about you as a young mother ,doing her best, making mistakes, and learning from them. I learnt the hard way in lots of things, I had to grow up while my child was growing up. You talk as though there is no one else in the world in your circumstances. You would be surprised. You can only be who you are, which I believe is a pretty switched on person for your age. Just slow down,and give yourself a chance,dont put yourself down. Be proud of yourself for having alot of the most,traumatic things happening in such a young life. Have you any other family? Or are their other young mums you can make friends with? If you keep going about your life in a sensible way,and being proud of turning things around in a positive way, the good things will happen to you. Just dont get in with the wrong people. You are still maturing, and although you havent had the best start in life, the way you would have wanted it, there is still so much to look foreward to. Surround yourself with supportive nice people. Good luck!

Lost
by: Kay

Hello JC

We are blessed with children but, unfortunately, they don't come with a hand guide on how to raise them!

It seems to me that you are doing a great job with raising your daughter. I say this because you say how much you love her, and being a mother to her. The most important thing you can do, I believe, is to hug her every day and tell her how much you love her, how beautifcul you think she is, and how glad you are that she is your daughter. All of this costs nothing, and will give you a happy confident child with a feeling of stability in her life.

All us mothers wish we could do more and wonder if we are failing. When you love your child you cant fail. Keep on keeping on, do what you feel is right for her and it will be enough because she knows she is loved.

Be confident in yourself, stop with the negative thoughts, they bring you down and weaken your resolve. What you tell yourself, your self talk, is really important, so start letting yourself know what a great job you do and how confident you are. Stay determined and be strong and I know you will both be OK.

Trust yourself.

Good luck.
Love
Kay
x

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