Low Self Confidence

by Aditya
(Canada)

My main problem is that I suffer from varying bouts of low self confidence, low self esteem and anxiety.


Normally my low self confidence causes anxiety and I start stuttering when I talk. It's like I get too self conscious, too scared about how people are judging me and what they may be thinking about me. I have gone for counseling and it has helped, but sometimes I get these attacks (especially if I have a bad experience)

Part of the problem is that I was bullied in high school and never had many girl friends (friends and romantically) as I was too shy and I feel those effects are still acting.

A lot of the times I know what the solution is to my problems but my fears and issues keep preventing me from dealing with them. I feel that I will get rejected, humiliated, scorned (which has happened quite a few times in the past) I know that not all people are mean and that there are nice ones too, but I still have that social fear unfortunately and I'm on my guard most of the time.

I feel like I can't connect with people and lack many friends at this point. Please do tell me how I can break free of this cage I've made for myself.

Yours sincerely

Adi

Comments for Low Self Confidence

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Low self confidence
by: Kay

Hi Adi,

I am good thanks! Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

The first thing that comes across in your message is that you are a very nice likable person!

The second thing is that you don't believe this is true. The way out of your cage is to convince yourself that you are a wonderful worthwhile human being that everyone loves to be round!

How do you achieve this? Start talking to yourself Adi! Dump all the negative things you believe about yourself, you don't need to hear it get rid of it. Start with lovely positive things about yourself. Let yourself know how much you love the inner you.

Did you know that you have told yourself all this negative gunk so often that your subconscious believes it, so Adi, you have made yourself the way you are! It makes sense then, that once you start with positive things about yourself, your subconscious mind will pick up on these words and believe them.

When you meet people and start to talk to them, you are probably telling yourself that you are shy, or you are bound to stutter, and sure enough that subconscious is obeying you!

Concentrate on the person you are talking to, dwelling on yourself makes you unsure, so start by asking people about themselves, their hobbies, what music they like, their favorite food, movie star, anything, so that you can get your mind off yourself and how you're doing. This should enable you to relax, and stop your stutter. People will also think "Hey, Adi's really nice, she cares!" Become a listener for a while, until you sort out your subconscious - people love listeners, they show they are interested!

Love of self is the answer to your problem Adi, bring joy into the inner you. Look in the mirror and let yourself know how wonderful and worthwhile you are! Say "I love you Adi" in that mirror every time you look in it and hold on to that feeling of joy. You will believe it in time.

You hold the key to the cage, it is your own thoughts that have locked you in.

Be strong Adi, open the door.

Love,
Kay

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