low self esteem is ruining my relationship

by d.rob.
(VA)

Hi i am a 19 year old female. I have always been naturally skinny and am currently 5'2 and 102lbs. I have very small breasts and wider hips. I hate my body and feel as if it looks malnourished and prepubescent. I have felt this way for years and have always taken comfort in the fact that I was supposed to still be growing.

After looking the same for about four years and recently turning 19, it has become quite the ordeal accepting that this is the body I must live in forever. I don't feel sexy at all. I am not comfortable being intimate with my boyfriend unless we are in complete darkness because I don't want him to see my body. Its gotten to the point where I'm pushing him away because I don't understand why he would possibly want to be stuck with someone that looks like me forever. He assures me that he thinks I'm beautiful and loves my body regardless, but due to past complications in and outside of the relationship, I cant bring myself to wholeheartedly believe him. I think my boyfriend (and men in general!) would be more attracted to me if I had breasts. Instead I am virtually flat chested at a mere 32A at 19 years old. I have gotten undressed in the mirror to and broken into tears on a regular basis for at least 2 months now. I have cut myself and even contemplated suicide over this matter. I figure at least if I were fat I could go work out everyday. There is nothing I can do for myself in this situation. I do not know what to do.