Low Self-Esteem and Low Confidence

by Hannah
(USA)

I am 19 years old and have suffered from low self-esteem and low confidence for a long time. I haven't made any real friends in college yet, though I'm a sophomore. I find it hard to talk with people I don't know all that well and in crowds I almost start to panic and I can hardly say anything, and I'm always blushing and really nervous. I cannot take any compliments either. If anyone says anything nice to me, I automatically discard it, even if I try to take it. It's hard to describe. I want to believe them but somehow I always end up thinking it's not true.


I do have a boyfriend, though (my first one), since last November, and only because he kept on talking to me and I didn't have to start anything. It seems to be the only way I can make friends.

Lately, I have become fed up with my low self esteem. I'm a musician, but I can't even improvise in front of my boyfriend. I really want to jam with him, but for some reason I start to panic and I can't do anything, I just cover my face. Something always stops me.

This problem gets so bad that even if we're just deciding what to do for a day or whatever, just anything, I get so stressed and cover my face and turn away, babbling that because I can't think of anything to do that I'm boring and I start to panic. And once I'm in that mindset, it's really hard to get myself out. I keep babbling and my mind goes blank and half the time I don't know what I'm doing or saying.

I know that my boyfriend doesn't like to see me like this and it makes him upset. And I would like help on this for my own sake, too.

It's hard to see any good in myself. Everything I do, it's like I know it doesn't matter to anyone or anything. It's just not good enough. This problem is really starting to bother me .

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Low Self Esteem and Low Confidence
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Are you aware that the thoughts you have create the way you are? They do! Think about it for a minute. You have lots of negative thoughts about yourself, you cover your face when you feel you cant cope, and you turn away and start to babble.

These thoughts and actions are chosen by you because of how you feel. You are choosing this response to not being able to cope. Can you see and accept this?

Your negative response to situations are getting negative results. So basically you are having self limiting thoughts that are making you a very unhappy young lady. When you take these thoughts a step further, can you see that if you didn't react in a negative way but reacted in a positive way you would not have your problems? It is the reaction causing the problems?

Next time you feel the negative response, calm yourself, take two to three slow deep breaths, refuse to cover your face, and say "I can do this." Then, whatever you do, give it a go. How can you ever know whether you can do something or not when you refuse to try. For your sake, start telling yourself (often) what a confident person you are.

You don't have to talk to everyone you meet. Many people are shy around people they don't know. When you find yourself face to face with someone you don't know but feel you should be talking to, ask them about themselves, do they work, what interests they have, do they travel, anything about themselves. People often enjoy talking about themselves. Become a good listener, then you don't have to talk so much! People like listeners too, because they can talk about themselves!

When you are paid a compliment, just smile and say thank you. Take the nice warm fuzzy feeling that a compliment gives you and store it away inside to bring out later to repeat the good feeling it gives you.

Your life is one of choice, you choose, through your thoughts, how your life will be. No one can decide the thoughts you have, and so it is up to you to choose only good confident thoughts about how you are and in time you will become the way you think you are. Make them positive and you will have a positive future!

Good luck,
Love
Kay

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