My Miserable life

by Subhas
(Kolkata, West Bengal, India)

My friends and girlfriend left me; maybe I have some kind of problem so they left me. Now I have no friend or girlfriend, no money. I am 28 now but still I do not know my goal. Lots of things I try to do but I am never able to complete any of them. I have no money but I have lots of loan to pay and I analyze that I am useless for any kind of job, I need lots of money to pay my loan but I have no time. Sometimes I thought about suicide but I have my parents they are seek and I am their only hope. I don’t know how to help them. I cannot find any solution. I am unable to discuss my problem anyone because I am friendless.

I am a very shy and sentimental person. I am not good looking person nor do I have a great personality. I am useless. Now I am working a private company but my colleague insults me… I don’t know why… it looks like I am a joke to everybody. They are always teasing me. I am not good at my work so I know that anytime I can lose my job. I am always trying to see that none get hurt by me and I think that I am 95% successful in this but I don’t understand why everybody always try to hurt me. I have always tried to be a good person but I am failing to do this because nobody likes me. Everybody tries to ignore me, so I am unable to make any friends.

I cannot explain or am unable to express myself to anyone, though I have no one to share my feelings or problems with.
When I analyse my life as to what I have achieved in 28 years…………
Friends = none
Girlfriend = none
Money = -*******
Goal = none
Ability = none

Whenever I ask myself why I am living till now? I can’t find any answer. I find that suicide is a path for me. But whenever I think about my parents I am unable to do that. My parents are always sacrificings their dreams just for me, they love me lots. I love them very much also. So I am unable to do suicide.
I cannot do anything. Maybe I am one of the most ignorable, shameless, useless, irresponsible, ugly, unlucky, aimless, helpless and hopeless person in this world.
Sorry for wasting your time I don’t know what to do.