No taste for life..

by Naomi

I'm 18 years old and I don't feel the need to do anything with my life. I've been teased for medical problems since elementary school. I had little to no friends through out that entire period of my life. Then between my fifth and sixth grade years my mother cheated on my father with my babysitters fiancé while I was just maybe two closed doors away. They got caught in the act And ran off together for two days, came back for a week. Then had the nerve to lie to me and say they were going to the store and would be back in a while only to never show her face around here again and not even attempt to contact me since.

I spent middle school in silence, saying close to nothing to no one. What I did say got me in trouble. I hid myself behind books to lock out the pain and rejection I felt. I felt no desire to go outside and do anything so I gained weight, whilst my elder brother got on with his life and became Mr. Popular. High school I got into art classes and made some friends, but just three years later we don't even wave in the halls. My junior year I decided to attempt to do something worth while and joined the jrotc program in the high school. It was some thing new I felt like part of something. I would go out And do community services with them and have some fum, but that didn't last long.

At the beginning of this school year everything was the same as the year before, I got bored of it all, even though I still get the same feelings of belonging I just don't taste the same flavor of life in it anymore. At home right now I have a new stepmother half sister and half brother. I hate them. My father got with the babysitter who is sixteen years younger than him. A grand total of eight years older than me... if you think about it she's old enough to be my sister. They force me to baby sit their little monsters while she goes out with friends, attends collage And goes shopping,and the stupid old man goes out to drink with his old buddies. I sit at home with nothing to do but sit in a poo of anger and hate with their stupid little brats. I've never had a job. Haven't even gotten my drivers license don't want one. I haven't taken SATs nor do I plan to I haven't applied for collage, don't want to collage causes life long debt which I neither want or need. I sit in my room at home when I don't have people dragging me out to do something stupid that I really don't want to do.

I've come to the conclusion that my family would be better off without me, because apparently I'm a worthless bitch, according to many people. I'm afraid my sh*tty life has turned me a bit sour. I find myself bored with life though I want nothing to do with death. I just want out of this sh*thole of a life I'm living. I want to find peace with out anger and. Hatred. I fear that if things do not change I will end up a drunken hobo or drug addict out on the streets.
Please bless me with guidance on what I can do to change my life.