Retired stay at home Mom with low self esteem

I'm 48 years old. I have 3 grown children, and am recently remarried. Other than volunteer work at my children's school, I have never worked out of the home. Now that I'm remarried, and they are out of the home, I'm feeling useless. The feeling of needing to get out and contribute to society, and my household, eats at me daily. I wrestle with the feeling of needing to be productive in some way, and the fear of actually trying to get a job.


My husband is fine with me staying home, and taking care of him and the house. I would be too if I didn't feel like I'm the only person in the world with this situation. I search the Internet trying to find others that are in my situation, but I haven't found anyone. I don't really know what to do about this problem, and phobia I have. If there's anyone that can relate to my situation please write. Thank you!

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Do what makes you happy!
by: Anonymous

I am a 58 year old stay at home mom, with two children still at home who will be off to college in the next four years, so I have been thinking a lot about things I would like to do when I get to that time.

I have been at home for twenty years, and I consider it time that has been well spent. I think it is important to think about what one's own inclinations and dreams are at this point, and to not worry about what "others" or "society" will think about it.

We have worked hard raising our children and keeping a home, and now it's time to consult our own feelings about what we would like to do. If you would be most fulfilled continuing to stay at home, making a nice home and following your interests within the home, such as reading, sewing, gardening, whatever, do that! That is nothing to be ashamed of! It's wonderful! If you think you'd enjoy volunteering, do that! If you would enjoy finding some type of work, whether part or full time, do that!

Just don't act out of fear of others' judgement, or what the norm is, follow your own path and do what makes you happy. If you are happy, you will be a blessing to others and to your spouse. Whatever you choose, hold your head high and be your own person.

Don't feel that the only activities that have value are those that are attached to a paycheck. Do what makes you happy and seek to find ways to be a blessing to others.
I'm there too!
by: Tena

At 57, raised and homeschooled all seven of my children. I have been a stay at home mother the entire time. Now I have free time at last to pursue my interest that were on hold while my children were growing up.

I joined a Dragon Boat team, I volunteer at our local library as an ESL teacher once a week, I am learning to play the cello and I joined a group of ladies who get together to play guitar and sing weekly. I write poetry and I travel.

The only problem I have is my husband. He seems to think I should get a job. I on the other hand feel I am retired and am loving it. My kids all are doing amazingly well and I feel my job as a mother was successful. Now its time for me. I say enjoy every minute you earned it!
Community College
by: Anonymous

Look at your local community college. There are a lot of different classes and most importantly, the one I attended had a huge variety of people, all ages, all types, all in times of transition (job, family, health, etc.).

I found it a great way to get out, start gaining some skills and start getting ideas from the other students as to different possibilities. It was also great for me as I was suddenly in a situation where people asked about *me* and how my class was going and what I was going to take next, not my kids and not my husband's work. That was FANTASTIC!!

I started out with just one class for the first couple of quarters and you wouldn't have to continue, but it was an easy way to start off in a different environment and be around different people.
Not alone
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way. I've been home for 22 years been a volunteer for most of it at the kids schools and church. They're all grown now. I have had comments like oh you were a kept wife at the gym I went to. Or asked what do you do? Like your job defines who you are. I also felt like I was the only one who stayed home. Like Oprah says its the hardest job in the world. I'm glad I was able to do it. Thanks again for making me feel like I'm not alone.
I agree
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way. Even though I do casual work from time to time, I feel pressured to have "career" in order to be a "success". I actually believe I make a better contribution when I am at home because I have time to keep fit, provide nutritious food for the family, run the household (saving other family family members from doing the chores) and, most importantly, have time to relax in order to be a healthy, content and giving person. This is better than a few extra dollars that we don't need.

However, it is important to mix with people and have some interesting things to do and talk about. I would challenge you to get your driver's license (automatic). After that you could inquire about voluntary work at a school, old person's home or library. You seem like a nice person who could help a lot of people.
Being at Peace
by: Retired SAHM

I am looking for someone that is in the same situation as me. I think being able to relate to someone else that's going through what I am is what I need right now, more than anything.
I haven't ever had a paying job ... except for when I helped at my child's school. They are all grown now.
I don't drive either, never have. My first husband liked me to be at home, and we always just had one vehicle which he took to work every day.
The feeling of being the ONLY one living this kind of lifestyle is what overwhelms me, and makes me feel like I'm some kind of freak, or something.
Like I said, I'm 48 so I didn't end up this way overnight.
retired stay at home mom
by: Anonymous

Sit down and make a list of what you would like to do. I am sure you have interests and talents that would help other people.
Have you thought of volunteering in some charity elderly people, young children at school.
If there is something that you are good at, give it a go. It is a good thing to get out and mi with other people, we need interaction, otherwise we stagnate. There is just so much you can do. Perhaps going to a counsellor would help you to make a decision.
Being at peace
by: Anonymous

Thanks for writing. The thing is that I think I would be fine with my lifestyle if I didn't feel so guilty about it. I enjoy being a "housewife," but society seems to frown on that. Nowadays a one income household is becoming less and less the norm. It doesn't matter whether that household "needs" the extra income. Everyone seems to be in some sort of race to "achieve" what they see as "success." To me "success" is achieving "peace" and "happiness," because those are things that money can't buy.
I sympathize
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same situation, but I am 56. No job, been at home 18 years with the kids. Now health problems and can't seem to get even part time work, I think people won't hire because I'm "too old". Wish I could help. Believe me, you are not alone.
I feel for you.
by: Anonymous

I'm 56, in much the same boat. My three kids are teenagers now. I have been trying to get work but so far no job. I do volunteer work though. I wish I had ideas that would help you, and me both. Be sure of one thing, you are not the only one that feels this way. It's an effort just to get through one day at a time. Also I am sad about getting older, health issues. Hearing and eyesight problems. Seems like all I can do is get through one day at a time. I look forward to bed time because then I'm unconscious. I'm really sorry you are depressed, but in a way I'm glad you posted because I can understand how you feel. Wish we could help each other.

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