Scared of people

by Kawa
(London)

Ever since I was young my mum used to tell me not to talk unless spoke to, if I spoke I'd get a horrible punishment. As I grew older I learned not to talk to people unless they spoke first and as I've been going through my school years, life seems a struggle. People say things to me asking why I'm so quiet and shy, all I do is go bright red and put my head down to listen to the whole class talking about me.

As this has happened over the years my confidants has got worse and worse and I'm now scared of people. I'm scared to talk to people or to even say a few words. If somebody talks to me in school then I just smile and put my head down leaving it on my mind all day. People have said things about me in school that make me put myself down about myself and I'm starting to really hate who I am and who I've become.

I don't want to talk to any family or anyone at school because it would be very embarrassing and I wouldn't be able to get my words out.
If I was in a room with even between 3-7 people in and somebody asked me a question I feel like I would faint or I feel like running away from them! It's stupid and it's making me lose friends because I'm starting to be scared to tell them anything in case they judge me.

When I'm outside in a big open space with people I know like close friends then I'm happy and very happy to speak with them.

All of this is affecting my grades and I've been told before that all I need to do is be more confident by talking to big amounts of people but I just can't do it! Please help:/