Shyness/ Low confidence
by KG
(NYC)
I am fortunate in the sense that I am studying for a career which I love. In a years time I will qualify as an architect, after 6 years of hard studying and demanding work experience placements.
Inside I feel that this career is right for me because I feel passionately about it and I am very interested in it. I enjoy the studying and mostly the work aspect too. Each day presents a new opportunity and I love the art and design culture.
However, when I work in an office I just seem to get depressed not because of the above but because I am a very shy, perhaps introverted and low in confidence. I say 'perhaps introverted' because I love to express myself through my work creatively and be understood and appreciated for that as opposed to me as a person.
I hate attention. I hope to be able to live a life in peace and quiet away from any forced form of publicity etc....
That is the problem however. I know that I am competent in doing my job (ie - I have the right flair and intellectual skills) - I have been told that in the past. However, I just don't seem to have the 'right personality'. That is to be outgoing, open and very very pushy.
Being young I am always expected to be the one approaching people and really trying hard to sell myself. For the good jobs, it is not necessarily a question of talent but how you look, and how well you sell yourself. I know this is very important for the job but I really struggle.
That is what makes me question if this is the right career for me? But I know that if I gave up because of this then I could never forgive myself and it would be stupid right?
I am always having people reassure me that my work is of a high quality but that I need to stop being so quiet "you wont get anywhere". I just can't compete with people who shout loudly (it seems to be a case of who shouts the loudest succeeds the most regardless of ability). That type of behaviour feels very unnatural to me and I can't imagine myself doing it.
Should I be somebody I don't want to be to succeed? I feel comfortable in a way with the person I am - shy, quiet and hopefully sensitive to peoples feelings. It is my personality, whether its right or wrong and it feels natural to me.
Sorry for the rant. Anyone have any advice?
Thanks.
KG