Shyness/ Low confidence

by KG
(NYC)

I am fortunate in the sense that I am studying for a career which I love. In a years time I will qualify as an architect, after 6 years of hard studying and demanding work experience placements.


Inside I feel that this career is right for me because I feel passionately about it and I am very interested in it. I enjoy the studying and mostly the work aspect too. Each day presents a new opportunity and I love the art and design culture.

However, when I work in an office I just seem to get depressed not because of the above but because I am a very shy, perhaps introverted and low in confidence. I say 'perhaps introverted' because I love to express myself through my work creatively and be understood and appreciated for that as opposed to me as a person.

I hate attention. I hope to be able to live a life in peace and quiet away from any forced form of publicity etc....

That is the problem however. I know that I am competent in doing my job (ie - I have the right flair and intellectual skills) - I have been told that in the past. However, I just don't seem to have the 'right personality'. That is to be outgoing, open and very very pushy.

Being young I am always expected to be the one approaching people and really trying hard to sell myself. For the good jobs, it is not necessarily a question of talent but how you look, and how well you sell yourself. I know this is very important for the job but I really struggle.

That is what makes me question if this is the right career for me? But I know that if I gave up because of this then I could never forgive myself and it would be stupid right?

I am always having people reassure me that my work is of a high quality but that I need to stop being so quiet "you wont get anywhere". I just can't compete with people who shout loudly (it seems to be a case of who shouts the loudest succeeds the most regardless of ability). That type of behaviour feels very unnatural to me and I can't imagine myself doing it.

Should I be somebody I don't want to be to succeed? I feel comfortable in a way with the person I am - shy, quiet and hopefully sensitive to peoples feelings. It is my personality, whether its right or wrong and it feels natural to me.

Sorry for the rant. Anyone have any advice?

Thanks.

KG

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Low confidence and shyness
by: Kay

Hello KG
Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

I enjoyed reading the first part of your message because I can tell how much you love the career you have chosen, it comes across in what you write. Then I went on to read that you get depressed because of how you are, and I thought "Oh no don't be depressed you have everything going for you".

Please don't change the way you are because other people think you should be different. This website is all about finding the inner you and being true to who you are, because it is how you want to be. You are unique! Stay unique!

You don't have to stop being so quiet if you are happy being quiet. When people say you wont get anywhere because you are quiet, this is only their opinion, choose not to accept it! Don't get depressed, be confident in yourself, you are the way you choose to be.

What is the 'right personality' anyway? Loud and pushy people are often just that, loud and pushy, they may get on in the workplace but often fall on their faces because at the end of the day, it's experience and ability that counts.

You will be noticed by the people who matter, people who see the love and passion you feel towards your career, who understand your creativity and sensitivity, and recognise your talent.

Stay the way you are KG and be proud of who you are. Don't change because of what others tell you. Be true to yourself.

You sound a very nice person to me, one I would be very happy to class as a friend.

Good luck with your future, and thanks for the rant!

Kay

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