Sidelining

by Elizabeth

Are you being sidelined by other family members or other people in a group that you may have joined. It is not pleasant being ignored when a function is on, you have been invited but no one has offered to take you along, if you did not want to travel there by yourself

You have gone along to a church or you have joined an organization being a stranger in a new town, you want to make contacts and new friends and take part in the activities on show but no one comes up or speaks to you or makes you feel welcome. You have a choice there, you can persist or else you may turn away and try somewhere else. People in small towns can be very much a clique and resent any outsiders wanting to come in.

I once took up a position in a small town, it was a kindergarten position and the people had been unable to get a trained teacher and they needed one to get a subsidy for their toys. Well they got the subsidy all right because I went there but I only stayed there two and half months. The locals were so unfriendly and unwelcoming, I resigned and went to a position in an area nearer my home. It was an unhappy experience but I do not think the people there realized what an impact their attitude had on me.

If this concerns outside people you really do not depend on companionship for you have the choice of turning your back on them, and even leaving the district.

It is a different matter when it is family members who are sidelining you, simply in a way ignoring you and just concerning themselves with immediate members of their own sons and daughters. I know what it is like to be sidelined as I have one cousin who has done that, in the end I said to her sister who is a totally different person that I would not put myself out to go and see her again. There was an improvement after that.

It has made my blood boil a bit, a friend who is living on her own who is in my age group, has two living sisters both of whom married brothers, they both have families comprising children and grand children. They are in contact with my friend but mostly ignore her and have never put themselves out for her when there has been a family function or visit. As she would have had to travel on her own to go to one anniversary miles away and come back on her own in the dark, she did not go. Twice she was not invited to family weddings. She would not know some of the grandchildren or what they are up to,. if she passed them in the street,.

The last episode made me really angry, family who lived a short distance away had a birthday and the two who lived close took her over to have lunch with them. They arrived at 12 and left again at 1, the sister over here took time to make some sandwiches, surely they could have bought something on the way and arrived over there a bit earlier if they had to be back. No one had time to talk, a couple of other family members came in for a short few minutes and that was that. She was back home at 2,

There was another time when my friend had in the past taken her sister with her to visit relatives who lived miles away. Her brother in law said that when he was free he would go with them. When he did retire the couple just went off over there without offering to take her with them. As she badly wanted to see these people as they were getting on in years, she had to pay out for some very expensive and inconvenient travel as she could not be away very long.

I would like to make this point, if there is someone in your family who is on their own please try and include them if otherwise they would miss out on an occasion which could give them much enjoyment. Once they have gone, these opportunities are missed.