Social Anxiety

by Kristine
(Canada )

Hi there, I'm a 20 year old girl in University and I feel like my life is in shambles lately. I've always been quite shy even as a child, but lately I've started becoming so paranoid about how I appear to others and my relationships with others. I have a loving family and a loyal boyfriend, but these seem to be the only two things that I'm actually secure about.

My best friend came to university with me, and it seems that she's made all these close friendships with my other roommates, and while I'm still a part of the group, I'm not nearly as close as she is to all of them. It's hard because I just feel like I'm missing something and I don't know what it is.

I find it stressful to keep a conversation going one-on-one sometimes, especially if it's with someone I'm not totally comfortable with. I seem to be able to talk about a topic or serious things, but I can't seem to know what to say to just keep things light and small talk. It sucks because I feel like I avoid situations because of it.

I am constantly paranoid that all my friends are closer to each other than they are to me. It's hard because I feel like if I ever miss out on anything because of work or homework or some other commitment, then they've just developed MORE of a bond, and that I'll be left behind. This may be irrational, but I'm constantly weighing stuff like that and I hate it.

I know people generally like me, and I get invited to things because I'm part of the group, but I feel like no one really cares about me individually, like whether I'm there or anything. It makes me feel really unimportant.

I've lost contact with most of my close friends from high school. I know this is a big problem because it seems that others have so many connections: boyfriends, parents, new friends from university that they're close to, old friends that they go home to... but I don't have that, and it makes me really insecure.

Realistically, I know my parents, sister, and boyfriend love me unconditionally. And I know that I have a nice group of friends that I am connected to, but just don't really feel a part of. Anyone have any tips on how to get over something like this, and how to be more outgoing and less anxious in general?