Sometimes I feel I have so many problems I would drive Freud crazy.

by Fox
(Canada)

I'm the Poster boy for self esteem issues.

Certainly my mind is filled with negative emotions even when I want to have a positive day I can't help but focus on all I lack and all I hate about myself, you'd think I'd committed a heinous crime only Child killers deserve to feel this low about themselves but yet here I sit afraid of change, afraid to embrace the life I know I deserve.

Sometimes I feel even if you put the most positive people in a room with me it would not solve how I feel about myself.

I hate everything about me from how I look to my life in general I feel like I am not attractive and therefore women will never want to be with me.

My first ever girlfriend was a summer romance and she like me had major self esteem issues there was no chemistry nothing. It still made me feel lonely and the hardest part of my life is seeing happy couples kissing and holding hands and shoving it in my face. No matter where I go someone is sucking face or smiling at their significant other while I'm thinking God they must think I'm such a loser.

I feel so depressed knowing I have no friends, on places like facebook I can let loose be free and have a whole great personality but my real life is sad and broken. I hate to go on and on because there are more issues in my life than you can handle on a months worth of Dr Phil shows.

I know I'm rambling on but my biggest issue is how do I cope with feeling down about being single, I'm the guy that treats women with respect that holds doors, treats them as a human being who understands them and listens to them without thinking of sex. I felt like I was the guy all women dreamed of, the guy who finally got them (being raised by two women I have a deep bond with women) but what I find is that women would rather go for the bad boy the guy who treats them like crap they see me only as the friend and the one time I did get a girlfriend (I'm going to be 23) my first girlfriend was last summer on my 22nd birthday but she found me on FB and nothing came from it but us feeling lonely together.

Everyone says I'm extremely good looking but when I look at myself in the mirror I compare myself to the guys with six pack abs and young Johnny Depp faces who can get any woman they want without trying. The hardest part is knowing that I will have to wait longer then others, everyone around me seems to be in relationships.

How do I cope with feeling so low about myself?

Comments for Sometimes I feel I have so many problems I would drive Freud crazy.

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self esteem isues
by: Kay

Hi Fox,

Thanks you for getting back to me. I wish I could and sit with you and have a really good talk to you!

Each of us in our lives have choices, and the choices we make determine who we are and how we feel about ourselves and others.

The attitude we have about our circumstances is vital. You say you are stuck helping your grandmother and your mother pay rent, buy food etc and you find working full time to do this frustrating and so you have a negative attitude to having to do this.

What you are doing is amazing and should be looked on as a huge positive in your life! You should react to yourself in a proud positive way, not in a 'poor me I have to look after my family'. Look on what you do in the opposite light to how you do now, and give yourself a pat on the back for what you are achieving!

You admit that you run your life as to what you think people think of you. How on earth do you know what people think of you? Why would you want to alter the way you are to suit other people anyway? Who cares what others think, it's what you think that matters!

You list wonderful positive things about yourself and yet you are afraid to take ownership of how you are. You choose, based on assumption of what you think are others thoughts, to become negative, sorry for yourself, frustrated with your circumstances. Why do you do this Fox?

You say you feel awkward carrying round a positive attitude and yet you are prepared to carry round a negative attitude which serves only to beat you up and drag you down!

Come to your senses Fox forget about what you believe others think about you. Who cares! Become the person you know you are and as we say is New Zealand 'stiff biccies' to everyone else!

Only you can do this Fox, it's no go asking where do I start, you know where, you have to change your attitude, your inner thoughts. You cannot, must not, let these negative feelings get the better of you.

I know from what you have written that somewhere inside you there is a caring, loving, confident, intelligent human being crying to be let out out. It truly is your choice as to whether you leave him trapped, miserable, without hope, or you decide to set him free to become the amazing person I know you can be. Remember, it's your thoughts that count, not what you believe others are thinking.

Let down that wall you have built around yourself and step out into a wonderful future, based on a positive attitude.

You can do it, but only if you choose to.

Love
Kay

In Response to a reply.
by: Fox

Dear Kay if I may address my own post. Thank you for the message. Now it is a lot harder for you to understand since you don't have the full picture but from what you can see you've done a perfect Analogy of me.

Who I am is what I think and thinking is easier for me then doing, I want to feel everything I'm telling myself but I let what others might think (I assume they can see my single lonely status) take over and shut me down from really being the confident guy I should be.

I've read all those self help books and I've tried having God in my life none of it has ever helped me solve what's wrong in my life.

I know you'd see this as a positive but you'd have to live here to understand, first I'm stuck helping my grandmother and mom Pay the rent, buy the food, pay the internet, pay her medication etc
I'm stuck doing that while taking care of a mom who is unable to work (legally I can't mention why) but she can't work anymore and my grandmother is retired and my mom is going to need me the rest of her life cause she will never be able to function as an independent.

I love them but it's frustrating having to work full time, knowing that nobody else but me is going to be able to keep this household afloat.

I'm under pressure to be perfect, my grandmother has spend my whole life comparing me to other people, God this list will just go on.

Only I can change it but where do I start (I guess with me) but I feel awkward trying to carry around this positive attitude.

Okay here are some positives that hit me as I looked over some notes I'd made once (tried to find at least something.)

1. I'm intelligent (maybe not book smart but I can read, I'm a talented writer, I have good instincts

2. I'm charming, well mannered, kind hearted, open minded, I have a great sense of humor, analytical, protective, visual.

3. Responsible okay so there I've thought of a few but I'll never feel good enough in the eyes of others.

Maybe if I learned how to stop caring what other people think and just be myself I'd start feeling like I deserve good things in life.

low self esteem
by: Kay

Hello Fox,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

Wow, you sure are your own worst enemy aren't you? You have totally nothing good to say about yourself, to the extent that you don't appear to attempt to change.

The big problem (and this is massive!) is your self talk. Fox, you are causing all your own problems, because all you ever tell yourself is you can't do this, you're no good at that, every one is happy and not you. Even your girl friends don't make you happy. When you see people who are happy, you look on their happiness with negativity because you aren't feeling good about yourself.

Because you focus totally on negativity you draw negativity into your life. The girls you dated have had the same problems as you because this is what your energy has attracted into your life.

I know that within you, is a wonderful, friendly, confident person who is crying to get out, but is finding it impossible because of your negative self talk.

Fox, you HAVE to change the thoughts you have about yourself, it's the only way to change your life.

The thoughts you have create the life you have. Why dwell on all this negative self talk when what you should, or must, do is start letting the positive inner you take over.

Every time you have a negative thought change it instantly into a positive one. Stop focusing on negativity, you bring it within you and around you. Focus on the positive and bring the positive within you and around you.

Don't change how you are with regard to being respectful towards females. There will definitely be someone who will appreciate this, but not until you alter that self talk. You aren't going to draw a positive thinking girl or friends, into your life until you become positive.

Only you can do this Fox. The more you have positive self talk, the sooner you will become this way. Your thoughts create your reality, and the choice is yours to either stay as you are, or decide to go after that lovely positive lady by becoming a positive thinking man!

It's not going to be an overnight fix, but when you accept that you are causing your problems, and you become determined to change, you will slowly start to see an improvement. I can only advise you to keep thinking of yourself in a positive way, even if at first you don't feel it. Once your subconscious accepts what you say, you will change how you are.

Trust me on this one Fox!

Love,
Kay

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