Unhappy & Scared of Life

(United States)

I am a high school senior about to graduate in 2012. I am really quiet in school and I have a twin sister but she is the opposite of me. Everyone always ask me, where is your sister? Everyone loves her. I am not jealous I am really happy that she's not like me unsociable. I have close friends but at a different school.

I am really scared of life. I don't know what I want to do. My ACT score is really low and I know I need to study. Everyone says I'm smart and I will go to college. But I don't believe in myself I have really low self-esteem and little confidence. I'm really sad all the time I always feel like crying. I am such a depressing person but I don't show it. I act normal like nothing's happening. I really have a hard time staying focused in school projects, I've been procrastinating and not caring.

I believe what has affected me is having a birthmark on my face. I don't know how to drive, don't have a high ACT score, don't have a job. My sister always tells me I'm useless, worth crap. I try to stay positive though and not listen to her. I have goals in life to be successful and make my parents proud of me.

I don't talk to anyone about being depressed because I don't like people feeling sorry for me and know everything about me. I just cry when I'm alone and sometimes before going to sleep. I am really emotional. I don't cut myself or anything like that, I'm just sad. I want to be happy and enjoy life.

Whenever I watch a movie and there's a sad part, I tend to cry. I care about what people think about too much that's why I am a quiet person and because I don't know what to say. I am really shy. And I'm really scared of people judging me. And I'm such a nice person to everyone and people take advantage of that.

I wish I was strong. I want to be fun and outspoken but I don't know how. It really upsets me that I'm not happy. I'm just too scared to do anything. I wish I wasn't insecure. And it really gets me that people are really smart like in school subjects and everything and I am not. I wish I was super intelligent like them. I need to change the way I am to be successful and be happy.