Why can't I let past hurts go?

by Ann
(Louisiana)

I am a 31 year old female. I realize that things could always be worse and that other people have far worse problems than mine but here goes:


I have always been overweight, even as a small child. Growing up, I was of course picked on at school. But I also got it at home. My dad used to give me a "look" whenever I would fix something to eat at home. He also called me a litany of horrible names, told me that he would buy me a new car if I lost weight, one time he even got his friends (!!!) to make fun of me. I mean, it was really devastating. My mother used to tell him to stop it and get angry but she never really stood up for me the way I would have if the roles were reversed.

Since I have grown up, I realize that my dad was constantly picked on about his weight by his family growing up and even had an eating disorder while I was growing up. (bulimia) He says he is so sorry for the way he treated me and I forgive him, sort of. But sometimes I think about how this has affected my relationships with men. I had an alcohol problem in my twenties and did a lot of things I regret. I think I was so starved for affection, I let men take advantage of me. I realize that it was my fault for putting myself in those kind of situations.

I no longer drink but I am pretty much a recluse since I stopped drinking. I don't really have any friends, I don't really like my job, I have never ever had a serious relationship with a man that loved me.

I have no direction in my life. I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel there is so much hurt inside of me that if I started crying I would never stop, so I don't cry. I don't do much of anything besides go to work and go home. I act like I am okay but I'm really not. I don't know what to do with myself. I am on medication for depression but I don't know if it working like it is supposed to. I just don't know what to do, or how to even begin to let go of all of this hurt and anger.

Comments for Why can't I let past hurts go?

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idk
by: Anonymous

My parents denied me from the time I was three. I accept it now, but it still hurts a lot knowing that they are taking care of other peoples children.
RE: Why can't I let past hurts go?
by: Lucy

You can't let hurts go because you've had no real resolution and the problems aren't going away.

Coming here was the right thing to do. By talking about it and sharing your experiences, sooner or later, you will realise that you are not alone.

Hopefully, the support you get from here will start to ease the pain you feel, and at that point you will be able to let go. You can't when all you know is pain -- you're used to it. Now you need to get used to being accepted.
Do not let other people label you
by: Anonymous

We all have capabilities to succeed, we just have to realise them. Unfortunately it is very easy for adults to label children and those labels to stick.

Parents unfortunately and teachers too, do not always encourage children to develop the talents they have and might tend to put them down not realising the harm that they may do. You cannot put a round peg in a square hole.

There are good reasons for children lacking in confidence, either they have been too sheltered and not allowed to play with other children. They may resemble some member of either parents' families who have been failures in the eyes of the parent on the opposite side.

Looking back I know that I could have done so much more with my life but I did not know of the potentials that I did have and I always felt a failure. My father was bitter towards Mum's family as her mother felt he was not good enough for her. He had also been through the war and came home a damaged man. He did make remarks that put me down instead of trying to encourage me. Until you are mature enough to work out this out for yourself, it does have an effect of your future and your life.

Once you see that this is not so and you are capable of trying out anything and you know your own worth and power the world is in front of you. You are a child of God remember that.
Letting go
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. The best advice I can give you is one that at this time you say you wont do. Cry. One morning when you are home alone, lie down and cry all the hurt, all the frustration, anger out from you. Cry for as long as it takes, cry until you feel empty inside, until there's not one more tear to be released.

When you reach this point, change your thoughts to within. Begin by telling yourself that you love you. Then go on to say you are a special worthwhile person with many good qualities. Relax, bring this new and different feeling within you, bring in the joy that has been missing from your life for so long. Joy comes from within, not from what happens on the outer.

Now with this joyous feeling, know that you are at the start of a great change in your life. Know that you hold within your power they way you want your life to be. Know that you have washed away the past hurt. It no longer exists.

What exists now is the new life you are going to make for yourself. Make your plans, keep a positive attitude and live in the present, or in the now. Waste no more energy on the past, it is gone, over it can no longer affect you, it has been washed away in your tears. Concentrate on what you want to do, use your strength and energy to move forward into the future, released from the past.

With the right attitude and if you stay strong you can get through this. If you need more than one crying session, so be it! Have as many as it takes until you can appreciate the wonderful you who is locked away inside.

I wish you a future filled with happiness and contentment.

Love
Kay

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